Homemade Iced Capp

Overall I'm adjusting very well to my new lifestyle and dietary adjustments.  So much has changed in a short time, including my taste buds and sense of smell.  Because of that and my new mindset, I honestly haven't missed much.  

That said, when I had my first taste of my new Cafe Bella protein shake, it made me miss the days when I could run by Tim Horton's and buy a 310 calorie iced capp to "cool me down" on a hot summer day.  

So I decided to make my own iced capp, cafe bella style!  I mixed my protein shake with a few oz of milk as I normally do, then I just blended up 8 ice cubes in my Ninja Master and combined the two.  A delicious and refreshing summertime drink with half the calories and seven times the protein of my former favorite treat.  A win for sure! 

Ground Rules

I'm seven weeks out from surgery now and feeling more confident in the choices I'm making.  I'm even getting more comfortable being out and about and I know the few simple snacks I need to pack to ensure success for myself, no matter where I am.  Here are the basics, the core "rules" I need to follow in order to continue to see success in this journey:

• Hello hydration!  Liquids are critical to my overall well being.  Since my body can't absorb as many nutrients from food as it used to be able to, I can help by making sure I am well hydrated and my kidney and liver are functioning as they should.  I can feel it pretty quickly if I haven't had enough fluid.  My energy wanes and I start to feel nauseous.  
• Protein First!  Protein helps build lean muscle mass and gives my body sustaining energy to put it in optimal fat-burning mode.  My goal is to have a minimum of 60 grams of protein a day but ideally closer to 80 grams.  The quality of the protein counts too.  I still use daily whey isolate protein shakes and occasional protein bars but the majority of my protein comes from food.  Smart choices such as high quality, lean meats, beans, fish, cottage cheese, greek yogurt are all great sources of protein.  
• Small, SLOW meals!  Each 1/2 to 1 cup "meal" should take me about 20 minutes to eat.  Sometimes this is a stretch so I try to make sure I either have some good conversation happening during dinner time or if I'm by myself, I have a book to read / something else to distract me.  
• Portion Control! This could also be called "Listen to Your Body!"  My "tool" works quite effectively.  If I measure my food and eat ~ one cup or less at each meal, I feel quite happily satisfied.  This is a very new experience for me.  In the past, "portion control" always meant 'eat what you're supposed to like a good girl and then feel hungry.'  Sometimes it seems so strange that I really don't eat much and even so I really do feel full.  
• Carbs Cause Cravings!  Honestly I spent the first week post-surgery being mad that no one told me beforehand that I really shouldn't / couldn't eat certain types of carbs after surgery.  My big upset was over noodles because before surgery those were my big weakness, my love.  I lived for noodles!  Once I was able, I tried one small noodle out of some soup I made for my son.  Surprisingly, it didn't eve taste good.  It felt heavy and wet in my tummy.  That was an eye opener to me because up until that point (despite reading things telling me I shouldn't,) I had been telling myself I would just eat noodles occasionally and in moderation.  The problem with that thinking is that occasionally often leads to often and moderation often leads to more.  These are things I know for sure after having lived my whole life as a morbidly obese person.  Surgical tool or no, you can go down the wrong path with poor food choices and the wrong mindset.  

The simple truth about simple carbs is that they cause cravings and generally are not healthy options.  I do eat carbs but I limit them and I try to make sure the majority of my carbs are coming from the vegetables I choose and not from bread, pasta, rice, cereal, oatmeal, crackers, chips, etc.  For me the simple, honest truth is that those foods were NOT my friends before surgery and they most certainly are not my friends now.  It is best for me to draw a clear line in the sand and just let these foods go.  The truth is that I don't even miss them.  I actually enjoyed having my BLT in a lettuce wrap instead of between two slices of bread.

                                 

I've come to look for things like black bean burgers or grilled chicken served "green style" when we go out.  Although I will not do it often, I even found out that Wendy's will serve you a burger on a bed of lettuce--and it even comes served with a plastic knife and fork.    

• Mistakes = Mastery!  It's OK to make mistakes.  As a new post-op, that's the last thing you want to do.  You are inundated with information and medicine and vitamins and new sensations throughout your body.  It's pretty overwhelming and sometimes even a little scary, especially if you have any complications to deal with.  The bottom line is you have to take everything one day at a time.  If something isn't right one day, you learn from it and make adjustments the next.  You also have to cut yourself some slack and realize you are going to make mistakes sometimes.  As my mother-in-law, Mary used to say, "The only thing wrong with making a mistake is not learning from it."  If that's not wisdom I don't know what is!        

First Big Goal!

  

I've been playing cat and mouse with the scale these past few days but this morning it finally happened--I achieved my first big goal!  I'm  trying to set lots of small goals as I go along to help me stay motivated and interested in this process.  I guess you could say I have a goal to set goals...maybe those should be called metagoals?

Anyway...drum roll please...as of this morning I've officially lost 50 pounds!  While I know I still have far to go, I truly feel good about this.  It feels like a milestone to me.  I keep thinking of those huge bags of dog food we buy at Sam's Club, you know the ones:



THAT is what I've been carrying around ALL the time!  No wonder I have more energy and feel better.  My body has been relieved of quite a heavy burden.

When I continue to make the right choices and keep myself motivated / on track, I know I'll feel even better.  My big, BIG overarching goal for this whole journey is to be able to put down the three additional extra bags of dog food I'm now toting around.  Well...I guess when that happens, I'll feel like I'm floating!  I have no doubts that getting there will require a lot of hard work and effort but I also know that by continually making good choices every time I eat, I can get there.

"Skinny Little Fucker and Big Fatty"

I honestly debated even sharing this story.  I felt embarrassed when it happened but then I decided sharing it would likely actually make me feel better instead of worse.  After all, one of my goals is to own all of my story, including the ugly parts.  

When you're fat (and maybe when you're really skinny too) people seem to think they have carte blanche regarding their opinion of your body.  I grew up being called all sorts of names from "Thunder Thighs" to "Tub of Lard" to "Lard Ass" and many things in between.  I also grew up with lots of true friends, as well as my amazing family who stood beside me and always had my back no matter what.  Although I've been through some very hurtful situations when it comes to being picked on for my oversized self, I had a strong foundation and came through those experiences with a thicker skin than most.  I even have true self confidence, which is something I've had to work very hard for throughout the years.  

Tonight I took my son (he's 8) down to his regular karate class.  It's in a busy, thriving downtown area that is usually quite friendly and welcoming.  There was some big run going on this evening so our regular route to his karate school was blocked.  This meant we had to walk quite a bit further than usual to get there.  We also walked a little extra on top of that to squeeze in the steps.  

We passed a man as we were heading into class and he smiled at my uniformed son and said, "Hey it's the karate kid!"  We smiled back and went on our way.  I'm pretty sure the guy was homeless and probably also tipsy.  These types of interactions happen in busy downtown areas so I honestly thought nothing of the encounter.  That is until we were headed back along the same path to walk back to our car.  Apparently the man (still occupying the same street corner and now actually quite inebriated) recognized us.  I'm guessing we stood out from the crowd because of...you guessed it...our size.  That would be fine except Drunk Dude apparently thought it would be cute to call us names this time.  We passed by him and he smiled again.  As we crossed the street and were walking away he said, "There they go, the skinny little fucker and the big fatty."  Thankfully my son was blissfully unaware, lost in his own little world of a spirited explanation  about Pokemon and Power Rangers.  Still, those words felt like tiny daggers being thrown at our backs as we walked away.  

I am able to ignore such nasty, rude behavior and move on because I have self worth and I know I amount to so much more than any obnoxious slurs someone can sling at me.  Still...my son.  My young and oh so vulnerable son!  Part of me wanted to run back to that jerk of a "man" taking up precious sidewalk space and show him just how strong this big fatty actually is.  Of course all of this happened--including all of these thoughts and the accompanying rush of feelings--within a span of about two minutes.  Instead of glorifying the situation with an outward reaction, I chose to keep walking and keep my head held high.  I ushered my son along and explained that we should get back to our car as quickly as possible.  

I never felt scared, only embarrassed and angry - then actually a little sad for Drunk Dude.  Seriously it's Monday night and he's got nothing better to do than bum around on a street corner, drinking and making fun of an innocent little boy and his mom.  What a sad and pathetic example of a human being.  What a waste of perfectly good sidewalk space in a normally quite lovely downtown area.  Wow.  

I'll finish up this post by saying this experience has done nothing for me other than to strengthen my resolve to continue down the path I'm on.  One of my key reasons for choosing to have surgery in the first place was so that I could be healthier...be here...for my son.  That's exactly what I intend to do.  That slob of a man had no idea the power his words would hold.  I will take them and use them to fuel my fire and motivate myself to "keep on keeping on," as my mom would say! 

Things I've Noticed, Part 2

Well I'm just past the six weeks post-op mark and alllmost 50 lbs down!  The scale is holding out on me for those last three lbs.  I'm starting to get more comfortable now, with my program and all the new "rules" I'm learning to follow.  This is probably a good time to write an updated list of the things I've noticed:

• My pants are starting to fall down.  Not so much as to be embarrassing yet but enough that I had to keep sneaking away to corners during Cub Scout camp last week so I could hitch up my drawers.  Definitely a happy problem to have!  
• My moods are sporadic.  I've been mostly happy and I choose to remain mostly optimistic but I've had a few days, especially recently, where I just couldn't quite shake my funk.   
• My tastes have changed!  Suddenly seafood looks and smells sooo good!  Before, I ate the occasional piece of fish or salmon but really did not seek out seafood.  
• I definitely have more energy than I did before.  
• On that note, I'm functioning (reasonably well I think) on an average of < 6 hours of sleep a night.  That does concern me some because I know sleep deprivation can catch up to you fast.  I'm usually a girl who needs more like 7-9 hours of sleep when I can get it.  
• I'm experiencing different types of pains in my body - mainly around my hips.  I jokingly said to my hubby that they were shrinking pains but part of me wonders if that's true.  
• Bending over is much easier now
• Some of my former flexibility is returning.  Today I sat (comfortably!) with my knees up against my chest.  
• Shirts are longer (that topography thing) and I've been able to wear one or two that I absolutely wouldn't have been caught dead in at the end of June.  
• I'm actually starting to (somewhat) like the way I look in pictures.  Maybe like is too strong a word but...tolerate.  Pictures have always been so problematic and one of the reasons I prefer being behind the camera.  Lately there have been a couple of photos that I actually didn't hate.  
• Getting dressed is easier!  I can stand there and lift my legs to put clothing on without needing to lean against the bed or dresser for balance.  
• While some recent days have been hard, my motivation is still strong.  I honestly don't miss bread, pasta, crackers, rice, junk as much as I thought I would.  
• I'm excited for the future.  If my weight loss continues at around the same rate (or even if it slows down a little bit,) I will have lost 100 lbs by Christmas.  That is huge, quite literally!  
• Following my plan really isn't that hard.  I'm still working on re-training my brain to listen to my body but if I pay attention, I'm starting to be able to notice when I'm full now.  
• Drinking is (thankfully) becoming easier now but it's still a  challenge for me to separate eating and drinking.  
• Water has to be ICE cold for me now...and mildly flavored.  I truly cannot drink plain water now even though I used to really enjoy it.  
• Sweet things smell sickeningly sweet to me now and I honestly don't even want or miss them either.  

V for Vitamins

In this post, I mentioned Nutrition Direct, the vitamin program I'm using. It's pretty nice because for a $25 copay, all the vitamins come directly to my front door and they even include a handy little blue bag in which I can store all my supplements.

Since I started my vitamin regimen, I've been reading a great deal about the importance of vitamins and how dangerous (even potentially deadly!) it can be if you end up with deficiencies.  I came across this article that outlines the types of lab tests bariatric patients should have completed at least once a year.  These include:

• CBC – Complete Blood Count 
• Comprehensive Metabolic Panel (evaluates organ function – liver, kidneys, electrolytes, protein, calcium, glucose) 
• Lipid Profile (Cholesterol/Triglyceride Levels) 
• Ferritin, Iron Profile 
• Vitamin A 
• Vitamin B1; Thiamine 
• Vitamin B12; Folate 
• Vitamin D, 25 OH 
• iPTH – Parathyroid Hormone 
• Copper 
• Zinc
• Bone Density (DEXA) at 2 years post op 
• Thyroid Panel (TSH,T4) – for those with thyroid disease

As the article also mentions, it's so very important to be your own health care advocate!  That's one lesson I learned time and again while I was so sick.  Most doctors and medical staff mean well and want to help you but the truth is, you are just one patient out of many they see.  For the first year or so after surgery, regular blood work is part of the program and you are still on a pretty consistent follow-up plan with your surgical team.  After that though, patients are often released to their regular primary care physicians for annual follow-ups.  While PCPs can be wonderful, they may or may not have a solid understanding of the unique needs of bariatric post ops.  The more you know the more you can be an informed patient who is armed with the right information and can be her own health care guru.   
     

Top Ten Mistakes

I saw this article on one of the Facebook groups to which I belong.  It's a good read but also a tough read.  As a new post op, you don't want to make any mistakes!  My takeaway from this is that it's important to be aware and especially self-aware.  Several of the items on this list are no brainers to nne.  Of course I'm not going to eat french fries or drink pop!  Of course I'm not going to drink alcohol!

The thing is, this ride I'm on...or this journey if that's what you want to call it.  It doesn't feel much like a honeymoon!  I'm working my behind off, quite literally!  True my big engine of a body is finally working with my efforts instead of against them (wonderful!) but I'm still working!  Planning meals, making shakes, comparison shopping, trying to find things my whole family can eat together, planning days out with my son while still taking care of me, forcing myself to get out and take my walks even when I don't feel like it.  It's all work.  Hard work!

I am determined to frame my experiences as positively as possible.  I want to look on the bright side of what's happening to my body and consequently, to my life.  That fact does not mean it's all sunshine and roses or that I'm on some magical, year-long honeymoon!   I guess I'm left in a bit of a funk after reading this article.  What are your thoughts? 

Another Stall (and more about vitamins)

So the scale hasn't budged in over five days now.  I know it's normal.  I know my body has to adjust.  I know that if I continue to follow my basic ground rules, this will pass.  I know I "shouldn't" weigh myself every morning.  That doesn't mean it's not hard though.  I'm tired.


The weather today isn't helping.  It's cloudy and threatening rain.  It would have been a perfect day to stay snuggled under the covers and read.  That was not on my agenda though and my body is complaining.

My knees hurt.  I've had knee aches my entire life.  I also likely have arthritis from all the years of so much pressure on my knees due to the excess weight.  My pain serves as a good reminder of why I'm doing this.  Why I chose to have a major, life-altering surgery.

I've also adjusted my vitamins this week.  I started taking my Nascobal vitamins through the Nutrition Direct program on Monday.  They include a once-a-week nasal b12 spray, vitamin D3, calcium citrate and a multivitamin formulated for bariatric patients.  My monthly cost for all of that is $25 through insurance.  I currently have the chewable tablets but will most definitely be requesting the capsule form for my next order.  They do not taste good but it is hard to beat that price!

Still, I know that the introduction of new vitamins, along with continuing to try and incorporate new foods into my plan can all have an affect on how my body reacts and responds to all the changes.  This is why I'm trying to be patient with my stall.  My rational side knows that my body just needs some time to adjust to everything that's happened in the last six weeks.  The emotional side wants it to happen on my time frame!  

In the Mirror

I caught a quick glance of my reflection last night as I passed by a mirror towards the bathroom.  My first thought was, "Ugh.  I look tried and saggy."  Then I stopped myself.  

I forced my mentality to be different.  I forced myself to smile at that tired, saggy rendition of me.  More then that, I decided I am ALWAYS going to make myself smile at...ME.  

I've been through a lot this past year.  I don't just look tired, I AM tired.  But for the first time in a long time I'm starting to be tired for the right reasons instead of the wrong ones.  I'm starting to sense and feel a notieceable shift in my energy patterns and physical abilities.  I am walking faster and going further.  I can keep at it for longer spurts without getting winded.  In short, I am a better version of ME.  

I have been through a lot.  I am tired.  But I'm coming out the back door of my year of extremes as a stronger, smarter, more aware, healthier version of myself.  I may not always like what I see when I pass by that mirror but I do always have a reason to smile:  I'm looking at ME.  

Down 40 Pounds! (and a picture update)

Today it finally happened! The scale dipped enough for me to officially record a loss of 40 lbs.  Hence the cute little Fitbit button I earned.  :)  That's an average of 8 lbs a week since surgery.  I'm feeling proud of the accomplishment.  I know I still have a long road ahead but 40 lbs is no small potatoes.  Just for fun I googled "what does 40 lbs look like" and here are a few pictures that came up:  

Today was a good day.  I met all my Fitbit goals, ate fairly well with no problems and got to spend some time with my family.  Here's an updated side-by-side comparison photo.  

I can really see a difference in this. The photo on the left was taken at the end of the school year, at our frozen yogurt social. I thought I looked good that day. Wow. I'm not going to go back and shame myself for where I was...who I was then but I'm so very thankful for how my mentality has shifted. I feel great and I'm ready for the next chapter of this journey toward better health!