I'm not even sure how I stumbled upon this but it's so cool to know there are others out there who have walked the same path I'm following. Especially interesting and uplifting to see public figures like Jackie Paige sharing their stories.
Monday, July 31, 2017
Friday, July 28, 2017
The "E" Word (and some fun with Fitbit)
Yep you guessed it, exercise! If you're anything like me, this almost feels like a dirty word at times. It's largely a have to and usually not much of a want to in my world...unless it happens to be a circumstantial sideline to some other fun activity we're doing. I'm working to change this not-so-great mentality of mine but for now, it's part of my truth.
That's one reason I asked my family to go in together for my birthday and get me a new Fitbit Charge 2 tracker. This can be a great way to increase motivation and raise awareness about what you are doing and how you can do better. In fact, tonight when I realized I was short by about 1,000 steps (despite a rather busy day,) I actually went outside and took a short but brisk walk down the block. Two weeks ago I would not have had the motivation, energy or interest to do such a thing at 11:45 p.m.
According to my Fitbit app, today was a great day! I climbed ten flights of stairs, met my step goal, met my weekly exercise goal, burned more calories than I consumed, walked 2.17 miles and had 48 "active minutes." Whew! It seems like a lot but actually I have my goals set at quite attainable levels for my fitness abilities and taking into account the fact that I am still recovering from major surgery.
That's one reason I asked my family to go in together for my birthday and get me a new Fitbit Charge 2 tracker. This can be a great way to increase motivation and raise awareness about what you are doing and how you can do better. In fact, tonight when I realized I was short by about 1,000 steps (despite a rather busy day,) I actually went outside and took a short but brisk walk down the block. Two weeks ago I would not have had the motivation, energy or interest to do such a thing at 11:45 p.m.
According to my Fitbit app, today was a great day! I climbed ten flights of stairs, met my step goal, met my weekly exercise goal, burned more calories than I consumed, walked 2.17 miles and had 48 "active minutes." Whew! It seems like a lot but actually I have my goals set at quite attainable levels for my fitness abilities and taking into account the fact that I am still recovering from major surgery.
My step goal is set to 5,000 steps a day for now. That may seem low to some but it's good for me at the moment. Part of my story--my struggle--is owning the ugly parts too. This is one such ugly part: I have been extremely out of shape and out of touch with the physical needs of my body for quite some time now. Honestly, I didn't feel good so getting through the days was far more the name of my game than actively pursuing exercise opportunities was. Walking 5,000 steps a day is a vast improvement over what I have been doing or even what I have been able to do these last months. After reading this Huffpost article about what science actually says about walking 10,000 steps per day, I decided that is a goal I will work up to over time. During the school year when I'm at work, I naturally walk and move more than when I'm at home so that's something I'm also going to work on over time.
The stairs I did today were completely coincidental because we went to a comedy concert at Meadowbrook Amphitheater tonight and there were lots of stairs between us and our seats. I certainly was a little winded after walking up all those flights but nothing at all like what I would've been like at this time last year--or even a few months ago. Plus, look at the adorable badge I earned for all my hard work. Silly but fun and I truly believe that is one key to being able to begin and continue an exercise plan that works, finding something fun.
Wednesday, July 26, 2017
Important Reminder
Everyone tells you to eat slowly and chew, chew, chew! There are all kinds of tactics - use baby silverware, eat off small plates, count bites and time how long food is chewed, etc. Most of the time this is not an issue. You just kind of get into the habit and it becomes 2nd nature.
Well tonight at dinner I experienced my 1st real reminder of why we have to eat so slowly. I was both hungry and excited about the dish I made so I forgot to chew enough. I felt it right away and then sat there for the next 15+ minutes trying to breathe and will my food to go DOWN rather than come back up. Luckily I'm ok now and I didn't end up throwing up.
I definitely don't think I'll be making that mistake again!
Sleeved 6/28/17, four weeks ago today.
First Stall? (and a picture update)
Well I'm pretty sure this is it--my first stall. I've heard a lot of people say they hit one at around the three to four week mark but somehow I was hoping I'd be exempt from that. Sigh. Still, today marks exactly four weeks for me since I was in the operating room, having one of the most important procedures of my whole life.
I've done well so far. I'm down 36 lbs in that time frame, so that's an average of 9 lbs a week. Stall or no, those numbers help put things into perspective. I've done a TON of diets in the past. Some of which have even helped me to lose weight quickly...say around two pounds a week. This is completely different.
While I sometimes miss certain foods or miss the comfort I formerly derived from food, I'm not hungry and I don't feel deprived. There is a HUGE mental component to all of this but I can honestly tell myself, "Nothing tastes as good as thin feels" and then actually believe that. I can honestly tell myself, "I am more important than any food I want to put in my mouth" and then actually believe it.
All of this is one day at a time in the most epic sense of that phrase. Oftentimes easier said than done! Of course I know better than to attach myself too firmly to the numbers on the scale. Still, it is a really nice affirmation when they are going in the right direction: DOWN! Since Saturday, mine have stayed exactly the same or fluctuated a tenth of a pound in either direction. Ugh. I'm so close to being out of the 340s I can smell it. I so want to get there, like today! But the scale is just sitting. My body is likely recalculating and adjusting - dealing with the many drastic changes I've thrown its way.
I know this all takes time and I know that from the outside looking in, it will look like a dramatic transformation. In the grand scheme of things, the next year is going to FLY right on by like they all do. Before I know it, I'll be able to report my own success story and huge amounts of weight lost just like all the inspirational stories I see on "Transformation Tuesday." Logically I know all of this and more but somehow that doesn't make seeing the SAME number on the scale for the 5th day in a row feel any easier or less painful.
Plus that old, familiar yet very unwelcome "friend," Doubt creeps back in and makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong. I've introduced more than a few new foods throughout the past week since I switched over to the soft foods eating plan. I'm getting a lot more of my protein through food now and not as much through liquid. I just hope I don't make a huge mistake. More importantly, I hope that if I do--no, when I do, I'll be able to figure it out and correct it before a serious problem occurs. I've heard enough stories to know that things can and do go wrong. I'm not exactly sure where Jason hit his roadblock or exactly what happened to cause him to derail but I know from watching him that it can happen.
I also know though, that success is possible and within my reach. I have to be patient and give my body time to adjust. I have to keep working on my exercise plan and on getting enough fluid and protein in my rapidly adjusting body. I have to keep working on creating meals that work for our family, that everyone can eat but that are still healthy choices for me.
I've done well so far. I'm down 36 lbs in that time frame, so that's an average of 9 lbs a week. Stall or no, those numbers help put things into perspective. I've done a TON of diets in the past. Some of which have even helped me to lose weight quickly...say around two pounds a week. This is completely different.
All of this is one day at a time in the most epic sense of that phrase. Oftentimes easier said than done! Of course I know better than to attach myself too firmly to the numbers on the scale. Still, it is a really nice affirmation when they are going in the right direction: DOWN! Since Saturday, mine have stayed exactly the same or fluctuated a tenth of a pound in either direction. Ugh. I'm so close to being out of the 340s I can smell it. I so want to get there, like today! But the scale is just sitting. My body is likely recalculating and adjusting - dealing with the many drastic changes I've thrown its way.
I know this all takes time and I know that from the outside looking in, it will look like a dramatic transformation. In the grand scheme of things, the next year is going to FLY right on by like they all do. Before I know it, I'll be able to report my own success story and huge amounts of weight lost just like all the inspirational stories I see on "Transformation Tuesday." Logically I know all of this and more but somehow that doesn't make seeing the SAME number on the scale for the 5th day in a row feel any easier or less painful.
Plus that old, familiar yet very unwelcome "friend," Doubt creeps back in and makes me wonder if I'm doing something wrong. I've introduced more than a few new foods throughout the past week since I switched over to the soft foods eating plan. I'm getting a lot more of my protein through food now and not as much through liquid. I just hope I don't make a huge mistake. More importantly, I hope that if I do--no, when I do, I'll be able to figure it out and correct it before a serious problem occurs. I've heard enough stories to know that things can and do go wrong. I'm not exactly sure where Jason hit his roadblock or exactly what happened to cause him to derail but I know from watching him that it can happen.
I also know though, that success is possible and within my reach. I have to be patient and give my body time to adjust. I have to keep working on my exercise plan and on getting enough fluid and protein in my rapidly adjusting body. I have to keep working on creating meals that work for our family, that everyone can eat but that are still healthy choices for me.
ONE...DAY...AT...A...TIME!
Thursday, July 20, 2017
BBQ Bound (again)
This time on soft foods. Better but still not great. Not ready for all those good smells. Want to look for some crab cakes to cook for myself. Think I'll bring hummus and veggies.
Updated after the party to say that things went pretty well. Here's the post I wrote on the Bariatric Eating 101 FB group:
Food-wise I did OK too. The hummus was delicious and I tried some of the slow cooker pulled pork Dad made. It was delicious and I felt satisfied.
Updated after the party to say that things went pretty well. Here's the post I wrote on the Bariatric Eating 101 FB group:
Couple of small NSVs today. Family summer birthday party this afternoon, the first where I didn't indulge in my own birthday cake. "No food is as important as I am" kept echoing in my head. Honestly I didn't even feel deprived or left out. I just felt thankful for my life and that I'm here, becoming a healthier version of myself so that I can hopefully celebrate many more birthdays in the future. Oh and I was able to wear a shirt that, three weeks ago, was way too tight on me. Bonus points! — feeling good.
Food-wise I did OK too. The hummus was delicious and I tried some of the slow cooker pulled pork Dad made. It was delicious and I felt satisfied.
Written Off
OK, my feelings are hurt. I can't decide if it's dumb or not but I honestly thought my PCP would want to see me for a follow-up after surgery. I called to see if I had an appointment and they said they would check with the doctor and get back to me. They didn't even bother to call, I just got a two liner response in my patient portal:
Hi Melanie, your doctor doesn't need to see you for a follow-up after surgery. We wish you all the best.
Ouch. How generic and unauthentic. What did they do, go to formletters.com to find that gem?! In this post I wrote about how much I love my doctor and how important it is to have a good PCP who you trust and feel comfortable with. I truly felt like I had that with Dr. K. but now I just feel like I've been written off, dropped like a hot potato. I mean I know she's busy and probably doesn't need more on her caseload but damn. I had major, life-changing surgery! She saw me through to that, from being at my very worst during my illness to finally finding my health again. Through making this momentous decision and then doing what it took to actually be able to have the surgery. It was a big ordeal with a lot to do! I'm just frustrated that she doesn't even want to see me one more time to see how I'm doing or anything. I guess I feel really dejected and cast away. Logically I know I'm just another number on her patient spreadsheet but I had hoped for a little more attention to detail and compassion from the doctor I've come to really like and respect.
Owning My Own Story
Any time big events occur in life--whether they be marriage, birth, relocation, death, or (as in my case,) a health crisis, things change pretty drastically. The transformation process can be quite scary at times. Many times you have some preparation for what lies ahead but if you have a sudden health crisis, it's like someone comes along one day and rips the rug out from where you're standing. Suddenly you're left, floating in a vast sea of unknowns trying to piece together your new existence. Many times you are also trying to cling to and put back together what once was. In my case, that sure knowledge that "I'm a healthy person." The lie I lived by, what I constantly told myself was, "I might be overweight but overall I'm healthy." It took the BIG monster of meningitis and truly being knocked off my feet for several months for me to awaken to my own new, raw truth.
For me to accept that this is my story. All of it; the good, the bad, the mundane, the exciting, the terrifying, the overwhelming, the knowing of my own lived truth. I first had to completely and utterly fall apart. It's pretty overwhelming even putting that in writing. I'm still stuck somewhere between the depression and acceptance stages of the grieving process when it comes to what once was.
And I've chosen to add even more change and uncertainty into the mix by having weight loss surgery. I've knowingly opened myself up to another year of inevitable ups and downs and uncharted territory. I suppose the conclusion I'm coming to with all of this is that I have to own it all. Every part of my story is also, at least in a small way, a part of me. At the end of the day, change is the one thing that stays the same in this world - it's our one constant. And yet, as the famous Simon and Garfunkle song, "The Boxer" says, "Even after changes we are more or less the same..."
Anyway, for what it's worth - for better or worse - I'm here. This is me, owning my own story and embracing my changes as much as I know how. I am my own work in progress.
For me to accept that this is my story. All of it; the good, the bad, the mundane, the exciting, the terrifying, the overwhelming, the knowing of my own lived truth. I first had to completely and utterly fall apart. It's pretty overwhelming even putting that in writing. I'm still stuck somewhere between the depression and acceptance stages of the grieving process when it comes to what once was.
And I've chosen to add even more change and uncertainty into the mix by having weight loss surgery. I've knowingly opened myself up to another year of inevitable ups and downs and uncharted territory. I suppose the conclusion I'm coming to with all of this is that I have to own it all. Every part of my story is also, at least in a small way, a part of me. At the end of the day, change is the one thing that stays the same in this world - it's our one constant. And yet, as the famous Simon and Garfunkle song, "The Boxer" says, "Even after changes we are more or less the same..."
Anyway, for what it's worth - for better or worse - I'm here. This is me, owning my own story and embracing my changes as much as I know how. I am my own work in progress.
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