I felt like I was dodging bullets all day. I packed a lovely chicken salad for lunch and then was presented with a generous helping of one of my former trigger foods: Creamy chicken Alfredo pasta, lovingly prepared by a really good chef who also happens to be our school secretary. Wow was it ever hard to say no to that! I did permit myself a couple of small bites. They were delicious but honestly, noodles don't sit well with me anymore after surgery so I was able to set it aside. I lightly dressed my salad and made up my mind to find my joy in my healthier alternative. Need met.
Tonight we went to dinner with my parents. We chose to go get Mexican, which was also a pre-surgery favorite of mine, one I haven't even attempted since surgery. I knew I'd be ok with the main entree but the bottomless chips and salsa were a concern. I could've set myself a limit and allowed a few but honestly, I haven't eaten a single fried chip since surgery and I don't want to start now. It's an unnecessary bad habit for me that would likely lead to overindulgence later. Moderation never worked well for me in the past so it isn't apt to be my friend now either. Instead, I opted for the cucumber slices I had leftover from my lunch salad as my crunchy, pre-dinner treat. I dipped them in a bit of salsa and actually enjoyed them. Although the chips did look good, by packing smartly and having a crunchy alternative, I avoided them without feeling deprived. For the main dish, my mom and I shared a tray of tilapia fajitas. I had about 3/4 of a piece of delicious, grilled fish, a couple small bites of grilled veggies and a small portion of the pinto beans with cheese. While I most certainly consumed more calories than I typically do for dinner, I think I did well overall. I left feeling comfortably full and satisfied.
Today was tough but overall I feel good about my choices. There is still a large container of the above mentioned chicken Alfredo in our fridge but I'm hoping my other family members will help with that tomorrow. All of this is one day at a time.
I sometimes feel so strange as I learn a new way to live and be around food. I can still see so much of my former self in the way Americans cook and consume food. I don't want to go back there but I do want to enjoy my life and live comfortably. If a friend wants to meet me for lunch or if I want to go out to dinner with my family, I want to be able to do those things without compromising my health and hard work to date. I'm thankful for family members who are willing to share meals with me and who are working on making their own good choices too. That certainly makes this whole thing that much easier!
