One Year to the Day

So this is it, my one year "surgiversary!"  

One year, 12 months, 52 weeks, 365 days, 8,760 hours, 525,600 minutes...however you measure a year, so much has changed for me during that time.  My whole life has changed actually. 

I’ve lost so much - 158 lbs to be exact. And I’ve gained even more. Renewed health, strength, courage, determination, knowledge, relationships, experiences... This road has not been easy. I am not done. Sometimes I am my own full time job and taking care of myself is exhausting. But I keep doing exactly that - working on being the best possible version of ME day in and day out.  I am here and healthy and LIVING life. 

I pack my lunch and take my vitamins and drink my water and get enough protein and log all my food.  I meet or exceed my minimum step goal every day.  I go for bike rides with my son...I can keep up with him.  I can show my students how to do squats without sounding like I’m imitating a vacuum cleaner.  I get to the end of my "have to" list and still have plenty of energy left for whatever "want to" items I choose.  And that’s another thing - I can choose!  I’m no longer limited by where I can sit, whether or not I will fit, how tired I will become, whether or not my knees, ankle or back will hurt too much trying to get where I’m going.  My life has unfolded like the soft petals of a flower after a rain storm.  I am not perfect, my journey is not perfect.  I get down and I still feel self conscious in my own skin at times.  But I am so much more now than I used to be.  Physically so much less and mentally, emotionally, spiritually so much more.  

To be fully living and eagerly anticipating my life.  That is not something I could or would have said a year...two years ago. I didn’t even fully realize it back then but I was not immersed.  I was getting through the days, biding my time.  Sometimes I wasn’t even able to do the things I wanted to do.  Then my health crisis happened and I finally got sick and tired of always being sick and tired so I decided to do something about it. 

To say that was a good decision would be a vast understatement.  That was truly the best decision I have ever made, hands down.  

Schwinn

I’m so excited!!! I got a new (to me) bike for a great deal on FB Marketplce AND I even took it for a ride tonight. 

I cannot even explain how big of a big deal this is! 😁 🙃 😁 Last year around this time I could barely walk a block without being seriously winded. Even if I had somehow managed to get myself onto a bike while weighing in at 378 lbs, I likely would have popped the tires! 

Tonight was momentous for me. It truly means so much to me that I can now hop on my bike and go around the block with my 9-year-old son—and that I can carry on a conversation with him while doing so. There are people in this world who take these simple pleasures for granted but not this girl. No way. 

I’m far from perfect and I’ve still got a lot of work to do but I’ve come a LONG way. Surgery was the VERY BEST thing I’ve ever done for myself, hands down. I’ve lost 156 lbs and gained abundant energy and zest for life! This right here...this is what it’s all about.  Happy (almost) surgiversary to me!!

11 Months

Nearly a year now since I went under the knife.  While this past month has been a bit frustrating due to my own self-imposed stall, I wouldn’t change a thing.  I only lost 4lbs during the past 30 days but I also gained some perspective.  I reverted to some old, not-so-great habits that I know do not serve me well.  I suppose this was a lesson I needed and I hope I’ve learned it for good now.  

One thing I’ve learned for certain is that this is a journey and it’s not exactly an easy one.  Some parts are easy as in when I put forth honest effort it actually pays off a fair result.  That never felt true for me before.  “People” would say oversimplified things like, “If you want to lose weight, just watch your calories and exercise” and that never added up to 100% for me.  It’s as if my engine was somehow broken.  

Hormones.  So much of it has to do with hormones and the regulation thereof.  I think it’s safe to say that mine have been a MESS for a large part of my life.  And I’m not simply talking about the estrogen/testosterone balance we all think of when we hear that word either.  I’m pretty sure my whole system was, at least to some degree, out of whack. 

For one thing, now I CAN eat less and actually feel satisfied. For another, my body seems to process what I do eat better.  I certainly don’t understand—or claim to understand it all but I am a living example of how weight loss surgery can and does restore balance.  

So...for better or worse...here I am.  I’ve come a long way and still have a long way to go.  I’ve lost 156 lbs and gone from a size range of 28-32 or 3X/4X to a range of 14-18 or a 1X/2X.  I have so much more energy!  I feel great and I am loving life!  I’m at the point now where some people are when they first begin their weight loss journeys.  I will never be a size 4 but I that was never my goal either.  Sometimes it’s hard but I try not to compare myself with others.  My only competition is from the woman I was yesterday.  If I’m doing as well as or better than her then I’m ok.  

This post is getting long and that was not my intention when I started writing it.  I’m hopeful that this next month will show some more loss and continued, renewed effort/resolve on my part  but no matter what I’m happy and living my life to its current fullest potential, which is priceless.  

A Conference and “Big” NSV

I spent today at a “study of early literacy” conference for work. This is a group I’ve been part of for two years. When I first joined, it was a squeeze for me to fit into the t-shirt you see in the photo below, even though it was the largest size they had available. I remember walking into the conference center, lagging a few steps behind my colleagues, desperately out of breath and embarrassed. Today I walked in alone but I deliberately parked in the spot furthest from the entrance and I walked briskly, with purpose and confidence - easily able to return the “good morning” greetings of those I passed. Literally a world of difference, all in one short year. And the shirt? I’m floating in it and will need to buy a new smaller one for next year. Seriously, what an awesome feeling!!

It’s Working!

A few days of resetting myself and I’ve broken my two-week long stall.  Even with not eating perfectly this week, I’ve upped my protein, lowered my carbs and increased my liquid intake and I’ve lost 4 lbs in 3 days!  Bottom line - this works!  When used properly, the tool of my surgery does actually work.  Logically I know that but putting my body to the test in this way - by “resetting” myself - I’ve now gained the practical experience too.  

Hopefully, at least for now, lesson learned.  I’ve caught myself and am no longer teetering precariously at the edge of that very slippery slope that is overeating and using food to solve problems and fill gaps in life.  

I have much work to do... 

Resolve

So I’ve been making some bad choices lately.  Doing things like eating bites of my son’s food that I know I don’t need...or justifying a couple Oreos when I give him some.  This morning I woke up with a new sense of resolve though.  I’ve done much better with food today and I’m happy.  I’m not sure what my spark was but I realized I CAN do this. I didn’t come all this way to mess everything up now. I absolutely do not want to go back to what got me into the mess of morbid obesity in the first place. Today I’m feeling proud of myself for the first time in a while and I wanted to remember.  

When you think you can...

...you CAN! 

Transformation Tuesday

I’m officially out ten months from surgery now, and I’m down 152 lbs.  Yes that’s one-hundred-fifty-two pounds.  As in an entire, average-sized human being.  Wow!

This transformation amazes me.  I look in the mirror or at comparison photos and I see the changes but I also still see the same "me" I’ve always been.  

I think the changes in my face are the strangest thing ever.  My features show up so much more now.  I see smile lines and an extremely pointy chin.  I never really noticed those in my "before" face.  And my nose - it seems somehow more settled in the thinner face.  Like it finally has enough room.  Weird!  

Here are the same two photos in color, just for comparison sake.  I really don’t like the color version because the lighting isn’t good and I think this takes away from what matters--at least to me--about the pictures.